Game Glitches/Transcript

The title screen then shows up as we hear 8 bit music from Blaster Master.

(Wataru inserts PacMan into the Nintoaster. He turns it on, but as soon as the title screen of PacMan shows up, it is messed up. Wataru looks at it, and it cuts to several glitches like the messed up PacMan logo and the misspelling of Player into Playar. He takes out the game, blows into it several times, and inserts it back in, but sees yet another glitch, showing the ghosts names messed up. It even shows the words character and nickname misspelled. All of the nicknames seen are misspelled except for Pinky. Wataru is surprised. It then cuts to a messed up PacMan level with a weird PacMan and weird ghosts, with one of the ghosts staying the same. Wataru takes out the PacMan game and throws it backwards. He then takes out another game, blows on it several times, and inserts it in into the Nintoaster. The title screen for Super Team Games shows up, but after a while, it suddenly glitches in some weird line style. The music also beeps. Wataru is shocked.)

Wataru: Don't you just hate it when that happens? You'll be playing a game, and then all of a sudden, it STARTS GLITCHING UP!

(Wataru inserts Metal Gear into the Nintoaster, only to see the title screen messed up.)

Wataru: Oh, come on! Metal Gear's creeping up now!? You blow in the game...

(Wataru blows into the game.)

Wataru: ...jiggle it around...

(Wataru tries to use it with the toploader.)

Wataru: ...use different consoles...

(Wataru tries to use it with the original NES.)

Wataru: ...but it still doesn't work! You know when this happens, that means that there's something inside your game! Something that wants to reduce the graphics into a pixelated mish-mash of garbage! You're dealing with...a Game Graphic Glitch Gremlin!

(The Glitch Gremlin, played by Kevin Finn, who played the ninja in the Ninja Gaiden episode, appears in front of a glitched image.)

Glitch Gremlin: Hahaha! Good day to you, Star Trigoner, how are you? Good day sir! As you know, I'm the Glitch Gremlin! And, I've got glitches in me branches for you, Star Trigoner! I've got- (starts speaking gibberish)

(Wataru gets mad.)

Wataru: I'm gonna lay the heck-smack on you! You think I can't still play?

(The Glitch Gremlin appears again in another glitched image.)

Glitch Gremlin: Which would say it's a goddang load hard! All these tones, the browns, the greens, it's just like Mother Nature! I like to bring it in the room!

Wataru: It's ugly! Like your mom!

(The glitched image is so glitched that Wataru loses. The Glitch Gremlin laughs.)

Wataru: You son of a jackel!

(Wataru takes out Metal Gear and sees the Glitch Gremlin emerge from the cartridge.)

Glitch Gremlin: Oh, try and switch the game as you might, but I can switch me glitches tonight!

(Wataru throws the game, causing the Glitch Gremlin to fly to the left. Wataru inserts Punch-Out!!, but when it gets to the "Mike is waiting for your challenge!" screen, it turns into a glitched mess! Mike Tyson's image turns into a brownie with Tyson's black face, and the background has changed to light blue. Mike Tyson's name is also messed up. Wataru is surprised. The Glitch Gremlin appears in the glitched image.)

Glitch Gremlin: And here we have Punch-Out!! with Iron Mike Tyson. I just ironed out his face!

(The camera zooms into Tyson's ironed-out face.)

Glitch Gremlin: How do you like that? We'll call him Poop-Faced Mike Tyson!

Wataru: You little creep-nugget, get out of my game!

(Wataru takes out the game, and blows into it. But the Glitch Gremlin emerges from the cartridge again, this time with a broom! Wataru is surprised!)

Glitch Gremlin: Oh, you've been throwing the dust out, I spent all day trying to get it in there! Well, if you're gonna blow it, why don't you blow me!

(Wataru blows the Glitch Gremlin to the left and inserts the game back in, but as soon as the match starts, it turns into yet another mess of glitches! Mac and Mario have turned into white, and Bald Bull has turned into black. The background is also mixed with blue and black. Wataru is tipped. The Glitch Gremlin appears in the glitched image.)

Glitch Gremlin: I pee and poop all over it, with me glitches!

(Wataru is angry.)

Wataru: I almost wondered if the Glitch Gremlin had a deal with game companies to sell you all kinds of cleaning devices that you don't need! I mean, would you really need this to clean out a game? It's just as good for cleaning out your rear end!

(He takes out the game.)

Wataru: I'll show you how to clean these creepers out! Get yourself a Q-Tip...

(The Glitch Gremlin is surprised.)

Glitch Gremlin: Oh, not the Q-Tip!

Wataru: ...Put a little cleaning solution at the end like that. You don't want too much, you don't want too much moisture in the game.

(The Glitch Gremlin is scared by the Q-Tip.)

Glitch Gremlin: Keep the Q-Tip away! Keep it away!

Wataru: And, Glitch Gremlin be gone!

(Wataru throws the game, but the Glitch Gremlin lands on the floor.)

Glitch Gremlin: Oh, you're a real idiot! I'll be back!

Wataru: Yeah. Of course, some glitches can happen because of programming errors and can be triggered on command. So for those who want to be a Glitch Gremlin yourself, here's a trick you can try at home!

(Cut to Mega Man 2.)

Wataru: In Mega Man 2, go to the Air Man stage. Make sure you're equipped with Item #1. Now it's time to fight Air Man! But instead, let's surprise the heck out of him! Use Item 1 to touch the door, and see what happens.

(Mega Man touches the door, and the camera then pans to the left to see a glitched up image.)

Wataru: Wow! Have you ever wondered what it would look like if the Air Man stage and Dr. Wily stage part 2 got thrown together in a blender? Speaking of Mega Man, I had a unique experience with the 5th game. It happened a long time ago and I doubt it will ever happen again. Fortunately, I have the evidence recorded on a VHS tape. It was a long night and I was heck bent on finishing the game. I made it to one of the final bosses. Under normal circumstances, I should've been able to see the giant pieces that fly out from the robot's body, and been able to use them as platforms. But the Glitch Gremlin was playing dirty that night! He knew I made it far, and that there was no continue code for this late of the game. This was my first time trying to beat Mega Man 5. So, imagine my confusion when I kept getting struck by invisible objects. The platforms were invisible, but they appeared to be stationary on the robot! Just an illusion, graphical dummies meant to fool me and to sabotage my entire night's effort. My only option was to reset the game, but I couldn't accept that! So I pushed on! I kept jumping at the air blindly. 9 times out of 10, I get hit! Finally, after much patience, I got the invisible pattern down and was able to destroy the boss. And that was a great moment in Star Trigon history!

Glitch Gremlin: That's impossible! I never seen anything like it!

Wataru: I should get a gold medal. Sometimes, games can be unpredictable. Cheetahmen II is a prime example where the whole game is a glitch! As already described in my Cheetahmen review, after you beat the 4th level boss, you get stuck in limbo, so there's no way to play the last two levels, unless by a freak accident! If a blue moon occurs on Friday the 13th and all the planets align, the game will actually start up on the missing levels! A frustrating part is that now I have no choice to play it. It's not like that this is gonna happen again! So it's like I gotta sit my buns down and play the two hardest to find, most mysterious levels in video game history, in what's already one of the rarest games in existence! Heh! What a privilege! Oh, and guess what, it stinks. Yeah. Just like the rest of the game.

Wataru: Both levels are called Level 3, so that's 4 level 3's in total! The final boss just runs back and forth, you stand there, hit him 'till he's dead, and after that, what happens? You guessed it! Now, if I ever have to talk about Action 52 and Cheetahmen again, I'm gonna staple my freaking bun sac to the ceiling!

Wataru: Double Dragon was a game I played so much, I used to find weird things all the time! If you touch the wall on the first level, you can become a human elevator! And if you bring the whip up there, you can do this!

(As Billy unleashes the whip, he falls down backwards!)

Wataru: Call them glitches or Easter eggs, whether intentional or not, sometimes they can be helpful. Don't feel like fighting the boss at the end of stage 2? Well, don't! Just walk away! He doesn't even try to follow you as if saying, "Fine, you freakinging pussy!" Tired of fighting those big muscle men? Just climb the wall! He's like, "Oh, ignore that! I ain't going up there!"

(Cut to Super Mario Bros.)

Wataru: Probably the most famous of all video game secrets is the warp zone in Super Mario Bros. It first came as mild amusement when gamers found you can break the blocks all the way up on the ceiling! Then the moment of discovery came when you found out you can actually get above the ceiling! Wasn't that hilarious to see Mario running in front of the score board? But that was only the beginning! If you went past the exit, you ended up in a warp zone where you can skip to different worlds! But then, somebody who had way too much time on their hands found out that if you break some of the blocks and perform a very specific jump, you can actually slide through the wall! This still takes you to the warp zone just the same, unless you don't walk too far! If you jump into the first pipe right away, it takes you to World -1! Well, it's just an underwater world that repeats in an endless loop. There's also an interesting thing known as the Double Death. If you die on a Hammer Bro., try pausing and unpausing.

(The death music starts and then repeats.)

Wataru: Let's check out Mario 2. This game is so much fun! Lifting enemies over your head and slamming them into one another? So cool! Uh! creep 'em up! (Toad throws Tweeter and throws Shyguy. Shyguy hit Tweeter, and they both fly up) Whoa! What happened? Let's try that again. [Toad does the same thing again (although Toad throws Shy Guy first and Tweeter second), but this time he jumps on Tweeter and Shyguy, and Toad dies once he touches the sky.] Oh! I love these POW blocks! They wipe out all living creatures in sight. There's that classic trick where you go in that little dark world, you pick one up, and wait for time to run out. And now, you have twice the POW! It's doomsday for this place! (Toad throws the POW into the ground, and the log carries Toad up and the log disappears) Oh no! It changes gravity! (Toad falls to his death) The destructive force of the POW block is so intense, the rest of the game can't handle it! Turtle shells and different objects fly all over the place. (Toad throws the POW block and Toad tries to lift the Ba-Bomb, but it disappears because of the POW block.) What happened? Where did the Ba-Bomb go? It, like, dropped through the floor! Hm! I wonder where that Ba-Bomb went? (Toad enters the room and once inside, he gets killed by the explosion caused by the Ba-Bomb) Agh! Ba-Bomb Ba-Bombed! You know that annoying Phanto creeper?! That face that chases you around whenever you get the key?! Don't you hate that thing?! Haven't you always wanted to kill it? Well, here's how! You collect exactly four cherries, and four vegetables. Get the key, let the idiot chase you somewhere where you can get a time stopper. Now, get one more cherry to make the star appear. And hurry up! Time's running out! (Toad gets the star, and eventually kills the Phanto) Ungh! Ye-heah! Got him! Finally killed that peep-face!

Wataru: Moving on to Mario 3. Yeah, might as well. The Glitch Gremlin usually stays away from this one. Yeah, it's a little too crowded with demonic possessions. But, nevertheless, it has a share glitches that you can perform for yourself, like Sand Diving, and Air Walking.

Wataru: As for Super Mario World, there's a neat trick here too. Go to Chocolate Island 3, get to the goal. Instead of jumping up like normal, you release Yoshi in mid-air. The screen is still fixated on where Yoshi was, and you can only see Mario's legs. But that's only the beginning. Wow! The stability of all the colors in this world depend on Mario and Yoshi making that jump correctly.

Wataru: For some reason, gamers enjoy finding these kind of glitches. Maybe it's because we take pride and finding flaws that the programmers overlooked. Or, maybe it's because, we like playing outside the rules to go exploring.

Wataru: Well, for the boldest of explorers, there's Mountain King on the Atari 2600. Getting tired of the same old platforms and ladders? Wouldn't you like to go to a whole new higher level of gameplay, literally? By performing a very specific jump, you can launch the character higher than usual. Then, you have to land on a very specific spot. If you're one pixel off, it doesn't work. And sometimes, it doesn't work anyway. You have to keep holding the joystick in the direction you're jumping, and release it at the precise moment. Now, welcome to Glitch Heaven. A vast world without logic. A place of not only of sight and sound, but of mind. (the Twilight Zone theme plays as the camera zooms in on the character) By playing with all the switches on the Atari console, you can cause the layout to change. You can also plug different controllers into the second port like the paddles, or even the keypad. You can even try the ColecoVision controller, or Sega Genesis. It's like a mad scientist experiment. I tried for hours, and I still haven't been able to find everything. There's been reports of the screen flickering, the character changing size, and strange unknown objects. Will you be the next adventurer to discover the unexplored secrets of Glitch Heaven?

Wataru: From the old days of gaming until the new, it seems like game glitches will always be around.

Wataru: In Zelda: Twilight Princess on Wii, I was jumping around when, somehow, I got stuck in a roof. Unfortunately, I didn't have it recorded in the act, but I sure did try to recreate it. It couldn't be done.

Wataru: Let's play Rocky on the PS2.

(The Glitch Gremlin enters.)

Glitch Gremlin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wataru: Not you again!

(Cut to the match, where the audience has turns into transforming squares!)

Wataru: What happened to the audience?!

Glitch Gremlin: Well, you sure packed quite a crowd tonight, Star Trigoner! You sure did, standing in the only FULL HOUSE OF GLITCHES! Ding, ding, ding! In this corner, we have weighing in at zero pounds, zero ounces: Nothing! In this corner, we've got much of the same: Nothing!

Wataru: Nooo!

Glitch Gremlin: You hear that?

(The line, "Next up is a fight" repeats.)

Glitch Gremlin: What's that sound? Sounds of a glitch! Your glitch! Enjoy it!

(Wataru resets the PlayStation 2.)

Glitch Gremlin: Nope. No use resetting! Not gonna do a thing!

Wataru: Yeah, curse you, it's working now!

(As the announcer says his lines, Spider Rico collapses to the floor.)

Wataru: WHAT WAS THAT?!

Glitch Gremlin: I put him to the floor! That's a good one. Good one, Glitch Gremlin!

(Rocky also collapses, only to find his body messed up after he collapses. Wataru is shocked! Cut to various Rocky boxers collapsing to the floor.)

Glitch Gremlin: Oh yeah! I'm glitching! Get down, you bad self! Get down! Get down! Get down! Whoo!

Wataru: Wow, I've never seen a game this creeped up!

(Wataru cleans the game, as we see the Glitch Gremlin in the disc.)

Glitch Gremlin: Not gonna work. Not gonna work. What time is it? Not gonna work o'clock!

(Cut to Rocky with his eyes popped out and a weird mouth.)

Glitch Gremlin: In this corner, we have Bug-Eyed Balboa!

Wataru: What happened to his mouth?

Glitch Gremlin: His eyes are popping out! (cut to Spider Rico with his jaw missing) And in that corner, we've got Spider Rico, with no jaw!

Wataru: They're like zombies! What is this? Rocky: The Undead Edition? You are really one sick creep, you know that? I'm gonna try Clubber Lang!

Glitch Gremlin: Oh, Clubber Lang! That could be a good one! Let's see what else I got up my sleeves! Oh! I'm not wearing any, but for my final showstopper, feast your eyes on this!

(Cut to Clubber Lang, in a tall, glitched version. His shoe and boxing gloves are on top of his head and he is walking on one leg! The Glitch Gremlin laughs while Wataru is shocked and drops his controller.)

Wataru: It's a Clubber Creep!

(Wataru takes out the disc.)

Glitch Gremlin: Hmmm!

(Wataru breaks the disc.)

Wataru: Whew. I need a Duff.

Glitch Gremlin: Oh, you want to play dirty, do ya? Ping!

(The Glitch Gremlin turns his Duff bottle into pixels.)

Glitch Gremlin: How do you like that? Sip on an ice...cool bottle glitch. Ping!

(The Glitch Gremlin turns his couch into a bunch of nonsense words.)

Glitch Gremlin: A nice comfy couch of pixelated glitch! Glitch! Glitch! Ping! (turns his ceiling into a wave like movement) Ping. (turns his arcade toys into pixelated words) Glitch! (makes the DK toy's eyes big) Glitch! (makes the head of the Mario toy huge with multiples coming out) Glitch glitch glitch! Ping. Ping! (Makes his TV and NES collection disappear) Ping! Ping! Glitch! Glitch! Glitch! Glitch! (turns his door into an eye, turns his room into one big glitch, and also Wataru!)